If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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