tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
