Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your penis caused this!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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