is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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