I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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