Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
