so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
