You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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