I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
