That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
a search helicopter?!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
