Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
