Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
