Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
