had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
