Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
