Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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