Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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