I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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