I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
