Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
