I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
literally had 100 drinks last night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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