it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
