I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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