cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
