I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So many bounce houses so little time
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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