so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish you could order shots online.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
