I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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