last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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