Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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