Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
