So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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