She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
