She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So much rum. So many feels.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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