I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
