Your face is a jimmy john
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
