It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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