Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
