woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
