I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
