My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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