yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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