I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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