I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
