OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
