I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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