I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
