maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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