After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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