Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
