i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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