She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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