Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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