I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
