Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
