I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
