Apparently you make a good broom.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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