Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
