the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
