Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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