Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
