Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
