dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
