yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
