Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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