Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
