Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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