I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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