why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
